I like this expression. I prefer the mixed nuts by cons.
It describes pretty much what I feel now. Yes, I can not wait to start working. I look forward to going to a class, review sparks, active and feel useful, to teach and help students who need them. For cons, the rush also means that I will redo the ballet classes, the armory of the substitution, the racket calls, rollercoasters tape, clowning course changes of decisions. That, I feel like it less. And yet, if I was on call as 95% of the alternates, it could be 100 times worse with the uncertainty of calls and pay. Them, I sympathize with them, it must truly hurt the morale of being treated as less than nothing.
Of course I took this contract knowingly. In desperation. In hopes of issue; I wish things change a little. But no, the varlopage continues, the "bullshitage" continues the musical chairs of guidance and responsibility as well. Ask for explanations, improvements to complain or leads nowhere, I go for I am whiner certain, and it eats me more energy there results. It only remains for me to hang myself that I have left my profession is the need for and pride in doing my work and to advance the children even for a day or two of attendance. I still also the appreciation from colleagues, principals, kind words of the children I meet, the joy in their eyes seeing me back (even among those who remember having tasted my medicine).
And I still write, to vent a little what I feel like tonight.
Welcome back to all those who return tomorrow!
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